When are you planning to have a baby?

You’re about a year or two into your marriage. The newly wedded excitement and novelty has settled down into a comfortable routine. You and your spouse are happy and content; even the few minor explosions of temper have eased up . You have learned how to navigate rough seas, in fact, you’re much more than a rookie sailor now.

At some point, some well-meaning (read: nosy) relative or family friend is going to throw the question at you:

So… When are you both planning to start a family?” *hint nudge*

Now, let me tell you something straight up. The day both of you get married or get together, you are already a family. A child is a wonderful addition to it, but, a family doesn’t start when a child comes along; it happens long before that.

Back to the question, but lets rephrase what Nosy Aunty means.

When will you have a baby?

What are you supposed to say? If you’re courteous, you may say something ambiguous like: “It is in God’s hands” or “Soon“or”After we are a bit more settled“.

If you’re a bit more tongue-in-cheek (I like you!) maybe : “We’re working on it all the time, so any day now!” or “Oh let me just consult with my ovaries about when they will release that egg, then we’ll get busy!” or maybe, you just grit your teeth into a fake smile and try desperately to change the subject.

So when is the right time to have a baby?  The answer is never. There will always be something not quite conducive for you to have a baby.  It maybe your financial status, career, your current living/housing situation, or maybe you’re just not emotionally ready to be a parent. All these are very valid reasons to think twice before trying to conceive. However, remember, that the perfect time will also never come.

The right time is whenever you are both ready to take the leap despite any obstacles, as long as you are sure you can take care and provide for the baby as best as you can. Babies need very basic material things, but they will demand your complete attention, dedication and love. If you think you can handle that, then go for it.

Don’t let other people’s ideas of the right time, bully you into trying to conceive. When your baby wakes up every 2 hours throughout the night and day, only you are going to be there to feed him, change his dirty diaper, rock him to sleep till  your arm goes numb and begin the cycle again when he wakes up next. Nosy Aunty isn’t going to help you do any of that, so don’t let her have a say in your life. Moreover, don’t let anyone take away the peace and joy of your married life by putting forth unnecessary timelines for you to follow. Most couples need time to bond after marriage, just the two of them, without the added stress of a baby in the equation.

Another rampant problem when you’re a woman is that, age, becomes a f actor for discussion. If someone tells you that you are getting too old and you must have a baby soon, tell them about Daljinder Kaur who had a baby at 70. Flash them a smile and say you don’t plan to wait that long. Perhaps, gently suggest that it’s not too late for Nosy Aunty either, if she so ardently wishes to see a baby 😉

So, the answer to “When are you planning to start a family?”

Whenever you want to, that’s when.

2 Comments Add yours

  1. People really do love to ask that don’t they?! Especially if/when you get married. It’s such a personal choice and for some people they never want to have kids, so it can be an incredibly annoying and even offensive question. And then of course there’s people who have fertility struggles and it can be horrible and heartbreaking for them to be asked why they haven’t had kids yet or when they are starting a family.. best not to ask me thinks!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Absolutely… how is it anybody else’s business except yours? Your baby is not being funded by these people, is it? And ofcourse, its uncomfortable when you don’t want to have kids at all and like a sucker punch when you have fertility issues. Thanks for the comment, Ellen 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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